The Birthday Message


**EDIT #2**

At this rate, these edits will overtake the original. But now I feel like I am going to do an edit every time we end up conversing about this. It's been almost three weeks since your birthday. Maybe you never see any of this. Maybe it's five years in the future and you are cleaning up and come across the card and think, oh yeh, what's that QR code do? 

Honestly, your restraint in looking at this second part of your birthday present is admirable and also further fuels my "maybe you don't care for shit on your car" thought process. I appreciate your Mum's enthusiasm however - hi Alison - and as for Hayden's (Haidyn? Heighden? I don't know, some parents really fuck their kids over with the name spelling, but let's go with the most common one) disinterest in it because "he just doesn't care", I have but three things to say: 

First: I envy this. How I wish I could just check out of things that bore me.

Second: He will, however, be in for a rude awakening should you have kids. Being a parent is pretty much all feigned interest in everything you don't care about in the lives of the people you love. I don't want to know all about some Thomas the tank engine character. No, I am not really interested that Estelle hogged the bar in the playground at recess and didn't let you have a turn, and no, I absolutely don't care what some 15 year old YouTuber, who overuses the word "literally" when they should be saying "actually," has to say about the game Fortnite. Yet, here we are.

Third: If, and I am going to assume this is not the case, but IF by any remote chance his disinterest in the crap the lady at swimming gave you for your birthday (which is completely justified and I support - see point one) is indicative of his general attitude to you whenever you wish to share with him the mundane that happens in your life, then you and I are going to have words. Whether you like it or not. Many words. And a disproportionate amount will be profanities directed his way. Because being a loving supportive partner is much like being a parent. See point two. You take an interest in shit you care little to nothing for because it affects the people you love. 

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**EDIT #1**

So after our last conversation, I am making this edit. You've been 29 for nearly a week now, so if you do eventually scan the code and come across this part of the present, it's kind of old. I could make a joke about it being as old as you, but I finally found a grey hair yesterday so pot kettle black, glass houses throwing stones and all that. Consequently, I will say nothing in my geriatric state except please accept my sincere apologies for not making the clue clearer. Now onto the original content ... 

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      Kimberley!!

You scanned the QR code? And clicked the link that popped up? That's a little bit reckless, is it not?

What if I was sending you to some weird site, or some spammy something or other. The Internet is not a safe place. 

Honestly, it is probably best not to scan random QR codes and click links from people you don't trust, especially if they hand draw it on some cheesy birthday card. 

But don't worry though - this page is on my site and for privacy comes with an additional 'noIndex' tag, the unlisted video and this page are hidden from anyone except those who consider the possibility that a hand drawn QR code might actually work.

It will all be taken down shortly, I promise. 

 

But since you're here, have a private birthday message from Jacob.

Yes - that is tomato soup stains on his t-shirt.

Yes - he is wearing pyjama shorts and slippers.

Yes - it was a bit of a chilly Autumn day. We all make choices. This was his.

No - not all clouds look like bunnies.

Yes - that cloud does look like a flying dragon. You like dragons, yeh? or did I mishear that? It's a birthday sign, clearly. I am sure your brain will see something different. Please see my badly drawn paintbrush dragon on the cloud to illustrate what I saw but didn't want to say...

 

 

Anyhow, enough of my ramblings.

Happy Birthday to you. I hope you have a wonderful day with those you love. 

I want to apologise again for the shitty gift but you have known me long enough, and had enough of them by now that you should know what to expect.

If I am going to apologise for anything this birthday, it really should be for my son, who appears to be quite ridiculously bad at guessing how old people look. 

Sorry.

He does make me laugh though.

 

 

 


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